General Forum

Please tell me you haven't bought the book of the hundred worst jokes ever :P

nah just using the book u lent me :-)

No darling, that doesn't sound right at all!! Men do it between themselves, plugging their private parts up each other's butts. There are rumors, that this greatly reduces risk of diarrhea. Come to me my sweetness and I'll teach you all about porn. Kisses

Jamie now your just being silly :(

Is it that men do when they make shitheads.

Oh my god! That's quite a shock! I'm pretty sure it can't be true.. how could a man's privates go into a woman's? eewwwww

Your right Psy I was letting my imagination run away with me again :(

INYFKO is it just you?
Hmm WB

so how do they still remain private? well, I only asked!

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Never mind laughing Hypnosis tell us how you would feel :P

Guess i am not a buffalo, because i always feel myself comforted after giving milk.:PP

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How could i forget that my little stork? I am your daily food:PP

i feel i should change my diet now :D

Yes, please eat me...i am tasty:-))

as tasty as something i just stepped in.

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Amusing but not real.

oh yes it could be real

and so true of corporate life

If it were real (which it isn't) then Daryl Brewer turned out to be the real prick rather than his boss as evryone will now know that he is not to be trusted, blackmails his bosses and illegally hacks into the servers he is supposed to be maintaining.

That's if he's not in prison already :D

I've seen this on here

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

You got that right !!! And i have to live in England too :))

May be hard for Americans, but easy for us Brits. Two nations divided by a common language. Mind you, the Aussies are doing their own thing with the Mother tongue now.

not just with my mothers tongue!no female tongue is safe ;-)))

I rest my case :-))

Yes very confusing. Although I'm still not convinced that dove (meaning the past tense of dive) is a word. At least not in UK English.

Concise Oxford Dictionary : dove, see dive. Dive V.T.
Dived or Dove pr

Okay maybe it is acceptable. It is just I have never heard anyone actually ever say it.

You're such a twinkie.

What's a Twinkie ???????

Well we could get into the fun punctuation variations and how they change meanings, but there is a fun book out on that topic, "Eats, shoots and leaves." The cove has a panda bear enjoying a meal, shooting the other diners and exiting.

Now for some poetry ...

Four All Who Reed and Right
Author unknown
====================


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Let's face it,
English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant,
nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,

boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends,
but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught,
why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?


Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which

your house can burn up as it burns down;

in which you fill in a form by filling it out

and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

in australia that is a book about wombats "eats roots & leaves" but thats what many aussie guys do! LMAAO!!

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don't tell me people still smoke?

From my experiences here it would seem just about all of them do :(

smoking fetish?

Yeah, smoking can be regarded as a fetish, much the same as farting.

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Oh, I am glad you bought it. Now you can feel the same I feel when girls say: Ohhhhh, i like it so biiiiiig!!!! and the trick works best especially if you come to 1 2 1 :-P

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You sound like my kind of woman. Two hours foreplay then two hours shagging. Average size, but know how to use it.

I am glad :) my longest love making was around 8 hours... must add, super!!!!
average around 2-3 :))

I'll just stick to masterbating. There are a lot less headaches...

Yeah and I'll also have the time to watch a game or play in pc... women are very time consuming...

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Sex with a woman is OK but not as good as the real thing ;-)

would you like to be my friend?

LittleImpy you will never know how hard it was for me not to come back with a rude reply :(

yes I can see the likeness. hahahaha

Sorry to ask but at what part of your body do you look like a poodle?

real smart vera.....

Hmm it was just a joke.If you couldnt catch perhaps it's cos the first thing which you loose when you translate from another language it's humour:)

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oh vera oobie doobie say u um genious...........

do u need a pussy minder gort ??? call me !

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Join a gym and eat a healthier diet. Never reduce what you eat, or cut out important meals.

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Try to avoid easy carbohydrats like sweets, juice, tropical fruits, white rice, pasta and white bread. Eat vegetables and protine rich food like egg, meat and fish. This sugest slower and give you a feeling of being full for a longer time. Easy carbs increase your insulineproduction witch make the body store fat easier. It will also lower your bloodsugar lever and give you a hungry feeling. And ofcourse as joy say fysical activity burn calories and nooooooooooooooooooooo french fries.

Good luck

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The ex-gymnast burns soooo many calories is the routines. If you stop the routines and don't reduce food you will be fat for sure. Did you see the fat photos of Nadia Comenici after she stopped the gymast routine? It took her years to get into shape. Eat a little less food and exercise more and you'll be fine.

a lot of what joy said rings true for me.another good trick i have learnt is changing the order of my meals.lunch has become breakfast.i have my 1 hot meal a day for lunch & for dinner i have my high fibre cereal.its light,helping sleep & while you are stationary(relatively)while sleepng it flushes your system.nature's draino! LOL.

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Breakfast for me is 8 eggs in the blender ..:-D

thought yu wer leving gete?

Anonymous, I'll leave when I'm good and ready, ok?
I'M JUST WAITING FOR HELL TO FREEZE OVER FIRST...

If you want to lose weight, then eating less is the worst thing you could do. When you try to lose weight by skipping meals and drastically reducing your caloric intake, your body reacts by switching itself into starvation mode and begins to convert as much of the food you do eat into fat storage to protect itself and use for fuel later. So you will actually gain more fat this way. If you want to lose weight you have to eat more frequently, but eat small portions... about 1 cup of food every 2 to 4 hours. Eating this way naturally speeds up your body's matabolism so you will burn fat faster. Of course you must be eating healthy foods. You won't lose weight chowing down on greasy fat filled hamburgers every 2 hours, but their are plenty of things you can eat, such as fruits, salads, yogurt, nuts and berries. You get the idea. And if you add an exercise regimen on top of that, you will lose the weight even faster. It doesn't have to be a full-blown workout till u passout regimen either... just something that gets you moving and gets ur heart rate up a little bit... like a nice walk through the park. Or turn on ur radio and dance around ur flat. Dancing burns lots of calories. Or head to the beach for a swim. Swimming is one of the best full body exercises that you can do.

Another thing.... drink lots of water. Your body treats water the same way it does food... the less you take in the more it tries to store and save for later... the more you take in the less your body will try to store for later. When you don't drink enough water your body stores it and it makes you look puffy and less defined. Drinking 3-4 liters of water everyday will do wonders for you. Drinking green tea will also help you lose weight... and another bonus is it's packed full of anti-oxidants too to help your body combat those nasty free radicals after ur workouts.

You are slim... don't worry... no need to diet. Fatness is only in your mind, for now :))
Take care and eat properly. As an ex-gym, you know how.
:)))

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Been a while since I've come online, anyhow just wanted to say a few things, namely that you are not fat, you're most likely somewhere in your normal BMI. Yet, relative to what you once looked like, you see yourself as fat among other theories. Anyway the information given here is good, it should do the trick. However, I would like to say a couple things.
First is the fact that the word "diet" is used incorrectly. Basically there's no such thing as a "diet" to lose weight. The word diet simply means what you eat something of a lifestyle when it comes to your nutrition. A 5,000 Cal diet of fries and fat is although an improper diet, still a diet.
Now to more practical things. As captaincaveman had mentioned a radical diet which many investigations have found such as Stice, E. et al, will cause your body to activate a salvation pathway to store more fat. This is especially true for younger woman more so adolescent girls, but still true for adults. In other words any and all radical diets can cause obesity. Meaning you should try to eat your regular meals as always. As captaincaveman had mentioned try eating your regular meals as always and a few healthy snacks in between. Most nutritional physiologist would point out that the benefits of this option is that you not only eat less over the day because you never truly feel hungry but also if done properly your body will begin to down regulate certain enzymes/hormones causing less weight gain. Another thing to keep in mind is that eating a decently high fiber diet (approx. 30-40g/day, yep pretty HIGH) will keep you filling full. It also has a few other benefits including a possibly lower risk of colon cancer. When you ingest a lot of fiber when you eat your meals it will cause a lowering of nutrients. Think of the fiber as a meshwork making it more difficult for your enzymes, receptors etc to get access to the nutrients, especially fat. Thus eating in between meals, something like a carrot, some lettuce, a tomato will help a great deal.
This was mentioned by joy and many others, stay away from processed sugars (AKA starch). High glucose index sugars are terrible for activating insulin release causing among other things activation of HSL (Hormone Sensitive Lipase). HSL will mobilize your adipocytes (fat cells), to increase FA (fatty acid) synthesis as well as TG (triglycerides) and cholesterol synthesis. HSL is evil when it comes to trying to lower your weight, and since HSL is evil, so is insulin. Of course if you remove your pancreas you would eventually die so it is clearly required but must be kept under control.
I do not recommend any of the ketogenic diets. These are the diets that are incredibly high in protein. They cause ketoacidosis hence the name ketogenic diet. Yes they certainly work, but Ive already seen a fair share of renal and even a little bit of liver damage, especially kidney. To give you an example, diabetics (especially Type I, or juvenile onset) are ketogenic patients. What I suggest is a slightly higher diet of protein then normal, but not extreme.
DO not forget your fats; most dieters think that fat is the worst evil out there. Not exactly true, without it you will die and have severe nutritional deficiencies. So eat your fats but lower it, also stay away from Trans.
One of the most important aspects of a well balanced healthy diet is exercise. You must do some kind of activity, which as an ex-gymnast I am sure you are well aware of this. In the end the best diets are ones that are life changing, one in which you will now eat somewhat more appropriately. Theres a nutritionist in Georgetown I believe that was overweight, he had tried many diets and never could stick to them. He realized that diets are life changing and thus are difficult. Instead what he did was that at times he would indulge on a favourite meal. By doing just this he was able to keep his urges under control. What I mean is that this man loved cookies with his other diets he never touched them. With his new method, when he got the absolute urge for a cookie he would eat one, wait a little and see if he still had the urge. Ironically enough, he found that our cravings can be appeased by just giving into it a little. Unfortunately most do not have the control to just eat for example one cookie. Instead, some might eat half a bag of cookies. In other words do not ignore your cravings. Placate those desires with control and soon enough you will have even fewer cravings. The more you ignore the worst the craving gets especially at the beginning. Anyway good luck, youll need it at the beginning. Note I think that your new diet is a good idea, why because as I said at the very beginning diet simply means your lifestyle choices when it comes to food and exercise. Noroc (my apology if you are not Romanian)

Pheew, that was a lot to read, but usefull :)

I wanted to add.. You were talking about eating fat, but reducing the quantities. I agree. The thing is that removing completely fats from the meals, when you restart eating normally, you will gain weight, because the body is trying to prevent another diet. Or something like that :)

I don't believe in diets ( the meaning they have nowadays) the proof : I am trying to lose weight and never managed :P
( most people told me I'm not fat.. but I used to be under 45kilos- I was skinny, really skinny - for 20 years, so passing to 60-65 is a huge difference.. but I hate diets and I don't have the posibility to do some sports.. so I'm trying to eat less, more fruits and vegetables.. it will work one day :) )

http://www.hussmanfitness.org/

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Your mindset is still on what your coach has informed you. This is very unprofessional and too extreme. Everybody in the world knows that gymnastics in Countries like Russia, Romania and Japan have very strict training regimes which will lead to that child or person reaching the heights they are set, no matter what the consequences for the persons life.

You don't look like you need to lose any weight to me :)

When I lie down my couch wishes I wouldn't eat anything for two days as well :P

Sorry I couldn't resist that I am not making fun of your English (k)

They got there in the end EasyTouch :P

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Choosing me

that reminds me, where has DevilMaria been????

Is that because the original poster talked about devils or because you know my secret that I like to dress up as Maria from the Sound of Music at the weekends ?

Hopefully it is the former as I would hate my secret to get out.

Yes Boo Hoo what exactly were you doing high on a hill with that lonely goatherd?? And stop dressing as a nun ...its a filthy habit :)))

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Errr....nice pics....actually they are awful pics and I don't think you are cut out for this type of work. Lay off the fish and chips for a year or so...swim the english channel a few times....and then come back and give it a try.

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Bad bad Johnny :P

If you saw my wife you'd know it's much better than real.

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After being with Monkia22, She's too nice and i can tell u i don't want a real GF

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Because unfortunately I am just as bad and ugly lol.

Plus she's not a bad cook and with her teeth out the bj's are sweet.

the real world? you mean where people congregate with all their many germs and curious odors?
no thank you. I don't want me no monkey pox.

whoa, you mean there's a REAL world somewhere out there?? With real chicks and everything!? I learn something new every day from this website ... :)

I can understand that from the perspective of a banana ..........

There is no doubt the virtual world has become a true alternative to the real one that sucks.............................................

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I've sucked more tit, pounded more pussy, had juicier cums and seduced more beautiful women here than I would ever had as a real experience even if I were Brad Pitt.................GO CC

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Whats it to you what others choose to spend their money or their life doing?

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I was at a Russian church picnic today with lots hot 18 and 19 year old girls around. As a 45 year old guy what do you think would have happened if I told several of them I wanted to suck their tits and rub their pussies?

Here they say "mmmmmm" and take their panties off and spread their legs. At the picnic I would have been beaten mercilessly and dumped out with the empty paper plates.

the comparison is unfair... why didn't you tell them you will pay 50$ if they go behind a window, they take off their panties and you can watch :)))... no touching or anything... only watch behind a glass and you'll never see them again afterwards in your life :))))))

It's very fair. Read "what do you think would have happened if I TOLD several of them I wanted to suck their tits..." I didn't say actually doing.

I like CC cos here I'm always handsome

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or flatulence

What can I say. I told you so.

Now, shall we put this all behind us, sort this out and live happily ever after?

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no one