General Forum

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Does any one Know ?

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what do you do if an elephant comes through your window?


stand on something high & start bailing.

how many pervertys does it take to screw in a light bulb(globe)?

1 but the whole of emergency to remove it.

whats brown & has holes in it?


swiss shit.

how do you circumcise a whale?


with fore(4)skin divers!

is thear any hosts from uk who would concider meeting up with any members when they get to know each other obviously

A homeless guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi...You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, '"Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

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....Is she okay? :(

A step-by-step guide to using the greatest spread in the world.
(If you don't agree, you're just an uncultured barbarian, and probably a Seppo.)

1. Firstly, one needs a hunk of bread. None of this new-fangled presliced necromancy for us! I prefer wholegrain, since I find white is bland and starchy and dull. Plus the dietary fibre reportedly helps to prevent bowel cancer and that. Plus you can pick the grains out of your teeth for hours afterwards! 2. Cut off a slice. You won't be able to perform this step on aircraft because breadknives tend to be a bit bitey and people don't like that sort of thing around them on planes. So you might have to go with the sliced bread necromancy. 3. Pop yonder slice into toaster, adjust the dial to your preferred level, and depress the lever. Alternatively, set your neighbours car on fire and toast the bread on that.

4. The star of the show! We might as well get it out now. NB: You cannot do this with Marmite. Marmite is weak and feeble. And as for Dick Smith's mooted patriotic alternative, we're expecting that out around the same time as the new Guns'N'Roses album. Then, if we're sufficiently impressed (that'll be a tough ask), we might do a new photo shoot. (Note: It's been nearly four years since I wrote this guide, and Axl still hasn't come up with the goods. Amazing.) 5. Ahh! The toast is ready! Mind that you don't burn your fingers getting it out. 6. You can either use butter, if you don't have a problem with the idea of cows being fondled every morning for your indulgence, or margarine, which may well be made with GM-modified canola oil, the royalties of certain varieties of which bankrolls Monsanto's plan to buy up water rights around the world and resell them at exhorbitant rates, not to mention encouraging the use of Roundup willy-nilly on canola pastures. (But then the manufacturers of Vegemite, Kraft, are owned by Phillip Morris, and they've got karma to spare as well, eh?) Here, we're using some frankensteinian blend of butter and sunflower oil, referred to as 'dairy soft', for this role.

7. Smear butter or whatever it is all over toast. Ooooh yeah. Did someone say "Last Tango In Paris"? 8. Finally, scrape up some Vegemite out of the jar, not too much, mind. For a typical slice of toast, two spatules of about this much ought to do. Pity we've thrown the scale out of whack by doing the stylish shot with the background out of focus, but it's about the size of the first knuckle on your index finger. Food stylists for celebrity chef programs we are not. 9. And there you go. All you have to do now is eat it and savour the effect of the salty tang of the Vegemite merging with the gooey butter set against the wheaty crispiness of the immaculately toasted bread. If your face screws up into a gurning cramp whilst eating it, you've obviously used too much. Try again.

I used to have a Alaskan Malimute & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. When a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital last time because I had been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my nuts and a car hit me.

Why is there pubic hair on both genders?????

Seems no1 got my questions then... All that was seen was the What? When? Why questions.... if u would have scrolled down a bit you would have seen the hiden questions... Or maybe the ones that replied did see the other questions.... DUNNO :P
But anyway here they are again... :P

1. Why is it that most ppl hate Monday`s?
2. What is it that makes you smile?
3. Where on ur body do u like to be tickled?
4. When do u feel the most content?

Now my replies... :))

1. Cos i never sleep to good on Sunday night cos i`m aware i have to get up early 4 work the next morning... :(

2. Makes me smile is a beautiful girl saying hi to me, or a friend surprising me with a text, or a lovely hug and kiss from some1 special.. :)

3. My feet (I know some1 who hates that :P...) my sides, and my backside ...:P:D

4. When i`m relaxing at home, either by myself or with company, preferably with company (a girl).. :)

hmmmm,what to do? i've been thinking of either taking a break from here or just leaving here all together.although i have made some good friends here,i have also met plenty of........let's just say.......not so nice people,and lately commchat isn't the same as it once was.decisions,decisions,what to do? don't get me wrong,i do like coming here and some times commchat is fun,but other times,not so fun.rude members,rude hosts,and sometimes the conversations get way out of control and other times,it's like i'm not even there.LOL.maybe this is the meds talking but i'd like a little input from the people that i know here as to whether they would like me to stay or not.if my friends want me to stay,i will gladly stay,but if i get no input,maybe i will not stay.ok,i blabbed long enough.time for some jager. hope my friends respond here.

What is the best line to be written on the wedding rings?

thanks for info :)))

It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his kilt and says, "Secret Service!"

To all the beautiful people I have met in my short time on CC.
If I missed you with my personal goodbyes, appologies. I will miss you all, and the good company in commchat.
Goodbye, Do svidanya, Au revoir, Auf wiedersehen.
Mondo

I have been on CC for 5 months and have seen a group of regulars in the General Forum who seem to have much fun in there. Have you all ever thought about meeting ? What would you say to each other face to face ? Would you all need to sit round a huge table with many pc's to be able to talk ? Your comments ?

private meet ups any one interested?

Where would you rather shop???????

http://vickisnylons.com/
http://www.fredericks.com/Default.asp?cookie%5Ftest=1