General Forum

Brain Surgery

An Englishman wanted to transform himself into an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how he could achieve this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong, but I will need to remove half your brain". "Yeah, that's OK" said the Englishman. "All my life I've wanted to be Irish so I'm prepared to take the risk."
The operation went ahead and sometime later the Englishman awoke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm terribly sorry!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out." The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

Did u fall of the chair too ?

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and I'[ll say it again and again:

hosts that misuse One2One to avoid the giving same show in open session are only screwing themselves.

SENSITIVITY TEST FOR MEN

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. Of no influence on your affection for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to an entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that part of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN"

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"who is cashmirlive and can anyone tell me about her"

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USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance.
The son thought about this and went along happy.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong. With a look of shock on his face the young man says, ''OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!''

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I don't think I have ever seen a girl even partially nude in that section of the web site. More girls in the non-adult sections of the web site seem to strip than in a little shy. .

A pregnant lady goes into labor and her husband frantically calls the doctor on the telephone.

"My wife is pregnant," he urgently says, "and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the doctor.

"No, you idiot!" shouts the man. "This is her husband!!"

Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over.The cop approached the car," Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen"
"Well, he stated, " Just last week my wife ran off with a cop."
"SO WHAT!!!" the cop screamed.
"I thought you were trying to bring her back."

K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut)

This single piece of advice
can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

Pass it on.

What have been the funniest things that have happened to you here on CC?
I write these because i just laughed a lot during a show tonight (I hope she does not read this... :P)... This super-duper-gorgeous girl was giving me a mega-ultra-hot show and suddenly she lost her balance while playing... and fell off her chair. The show was over, but the laugh was worth it (she was also laughing but i think it was out of embarrasment, because that HAD to hurt). Seatbelts should be enforced while hosts are giving video sessions (for their safety :P).

1. Walking through the bush Gary and Griff came across a dingo licking its privates. After watching for a few minutes Griff said to Gary, "Just between you and me, I've wanted to do that all my life." A bemused Gary looked at him and said, "Go ahead mate, but I'd pat him first. He looks pretty vicious to me."

2. Newsflash! John Howard's library burned down on the weekend and two books, amongst other personal belongings, were destroyed! The real tragedy was that he hadn't finished colouring in one of them.

3. There's an old swaggy walking down a dusty outback road. A cocky pulls up in an old beat-up Ute and says, "Would you like a lift mate?" The swaggy thinks for a minute and replies, "No way mate, you can open and close your own bloody gates."

4. What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a lamb?
A woolly jumper.

5. There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut.

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk ( I will be drunk )
At home as if in tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage's
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not to incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, the lager
For ever and ever....

There are large men the whole world over
on a large and varied scale,
but none of them resemble
the Great Australian Male.
He's rugged and he's handsome,
he drinks beer instead of wine,
he's always out for pleasure,
of a very simple kind.
He's either off to see the footy
with a dozen cans or more,
or fishing with his mates,
getting drunk along some shore.
He thinks he's quite a lover,
and he's sexy and discreet,
that he can get you in a quiver
from your head down to your feet.
But when he's got you ready,
lying limpid beneath the sheet,
you hear a snore and turn around
to find him sound asleep.
He's a funny sort of fellow
with more pride than he's got sense
and if you told him he was wrong,
he'd only take offence.
Oh, there are men who take you dancing,
out to dinner twice a week,
men who never dress in faded jeans
or die to take a leak.
Yes, there are men the whole world over
men with "charm" and "sense of style",
but how could we compare them to
The Great Australian Male.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife; they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, his wife asks,
"Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?"
The man replies, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"
Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and the husband says,
"Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says to the manager,
"Look, we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, more recurrences of the same thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one wooden leg, masturbating on your front steps. Well, what do you have to say about that?"
The manager says, 'S'truth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large. Then they walk around the station a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

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Filipinas are phenomenal women---mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, lovers, loved-ones...They possess wisdom & strength, compassion & nurturing, talent & intelligence, loyalty & integrity, sensuality & savvy.