General Forum
Soon be home time
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that
they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out
for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely
evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite his age, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor,
Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been
gentler."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have
taken off my pantyhose."
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that
they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out
for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely
evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite his age, they ended up at his place for an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor,
Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,
each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been
gentler."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have
taken off my pantyhose."
feeling Better :-)
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's
legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I
have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's
legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I
have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
Still bored
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police
station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most
wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it
really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him.
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most
wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it
really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him.
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
I'm bored again
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we
had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern
where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
Okay, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old times sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,
and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two
old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their
way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both
collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks this was truly amazing.
"I've got to ask them what their secret is."
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something
else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort
of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern
where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
Okay, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old times sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy but very good idea!"
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,
and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two
old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by
walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their
way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman
has ever seen. This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both
collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed.
He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks this was truly amazing.
"I've got to ask them what their secret is."
As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something
else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort
of secret to this?"
The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
RE: Learn to drive Aussie style,, funny shit
Good to be back, but I don't think I really ever left :-)
RE: Learn to drive Aussie style,, funny shit
Chopper doesn't really exist, lol he's an ex Rugby player trying to make a dollar on TV.. LOL
Video about Romania
Nice 18-minute clip showing the beauty of Romania:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/223897/romania/
(but I don't think they mention videochat in it :p)
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/223897/romania/
(but I don't think they mention videochat in it :p)
RE: Video about Romania
Let's not over react, shall we? :) ( have nothing against her, just that.. it's a bit.. too much.. no, I'm not jealous )
The vid is cute.. could have been way better.. the pictures are good and bad quality, mixed together, from different sites, different years... parts of another video.. meh, I think I could do better than this and at least the music could have been a bit more variated..
Heh thank you anyway, Christian :)
The vid is cute.. could have been way better.. the pictures are good and bad quality, mixed together, from different sites, different years... parts of another video.. meh, I think I could do better than this and at least the music could have been a bit more variated..
Heh thank you anyway, Christian :)
RE: Video about Romania
Sorry Psy sure didn't mean to slight you. Your also a rare beauty. Thanks for reminding me.
RE: Video about Romania
It wasn't about me, I don't care.. just that there are here, at least, so many others :) that's all..
RE: Video about Romania
i'm in bucharest now and it is a very lovely city and i hope to come back next year
RE: Video about Romania
I said it and I will say it again, I don't care what others think, especially when it's about people I hardly know.
And once again!! it wasn't against Anne.. it could have been any other host, I would have said the same thing.
Anyway, sorry Anne, it's just not one of my best days, I truly have nothing against you.
And once again!! it wasn't against Anne.. it could have been any other host, I would have said the same thing.
Anyway, sorry Anne, it's just not one of my best days, I truly have nothing against you.
RE: Video about Romania
Oh will you just kiss my ass? I apologised, ok? And I already said it, even if it was about another host, I would have done the same.
Give me a break.
Give me a break.
3 wishes
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
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..
..
..
..
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..
..
..
...
..
..
..
..
The man had a heart attack ten times milder
than his wife ..
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them
continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
...
..
..
..
..
The man had a heart attack ten times milder
than his wife ..
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them
continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor
The last check
Today my baby girl's 18th birthday I be so glad that this be my last child
support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn
payments! So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when
she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo
momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what
she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk through the
door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and watch the 'spression
on yo face
support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn
payments! So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when
she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo
momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what
she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk through the
door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and watch the 'spression
on yo face
The Old Man and the Towel
An elderly Jewish gentleman marries a much younger woman. No matter what the husband does sexually, his wife never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the Rabbi.
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on the desired event."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she's still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay", he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed." Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets going with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you
wave a towel"
The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on the desired event."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and she's still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay", he says to the husband, "let's try it reversed." Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets going with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you
wave a towel"
URGENT!!!!!!!!!!
do u have any ideea what time maria sharapova will play tomorow at moscow tour PLSSSSSSSSSS tell me . i ADORE her
Company Policy
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:
Company Policy:
Effective from 10/01/06
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Company Policy:
Effective from 10/01/06
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
When you know its time to move on
This is in regard to a few posts from a thread below made by amazingbbw. Is chathosting a real job?
Well I have what we call a real job now so I can share my experience. I make less then I used to make in here, the working hours are longer and the stress is higher. But in my opinion there's a certain limit for videochatting and you cant do it forever. I know now things arent that great but i have to think about the future and videochat is a great thing to do when u are 22-23 but not when you're 30 or 40 (thats just my opinion). I dont wanna wake up one day and realise that i havent done anything with my life. Sure its great fun and the money are good too but still...it is not a career and certainly it is not the way i want my life to go. I had 5 incredible years as a chathost and it has been quite a life experience for me, it has changed me in so many ways. I was 18 when i first experienced chathosting (it was even the first time i opened a computer:D). I am not the same anymore but i dont regret a thing. So girls, please, dont live to regret it...find the best time for you to move on and start you careers while u still can.
Well I have what we call a real job now so I can share my experience. I make less then I used to make in here, the working hours are longer and the stress is higher. But in my opinion there's a certain limit for videochatting and you cant do it forever. I know now things arent that great but i have to think about the future and videochat is a great thing to do when u are 22-23 but not when you're 30 or 40 (thats just my opinion). I dont wanna wake up one day and realise that i havent done anything with my life. Sure its great fun and the money are good too but still...it is not a career and certainly it is not the way i want my life to go. I had 5 incredible years as a chathost and it has been quite a life experience for me, it has changed me in so many ways. I was 18 when i first experienced chathosting (it was even the first time i opened a computer:D). I am not the same anymore but i dont regret a thing. So girls, please, dont live to regret it...find the best time for you to move on and start you careers while u still can.
RE: When you know its time to move on
You could say the same thing for stripping at a club however there are women who get enhancement to allow them to perform into their 40s in places like Vegas where the money is so good.
I have meet hosts here operation out of their house who have both a regular job and host too. They use the host job to supplement their income and it makes a world of difference in their lifestyles.
In short you can have both worlds up to the point you don't need the extra income and would like more sleep :)
I have meet hosts here operation out of their house who have both a regular job and host too. They use the host job to supplement their income and it makes a world of difference in their lifestyles.
In short you can have both worlds up to the point you don't need the extra income and would like more sleep :)
RE: When you know its time to move on
very wise words indeed, wish you sucess in your new career...ever thought about coming back to cc for a little bit?
Oh and thanks for the double anal penetration shows you did, there were great
Oh and thanks for the double anal penetration shows you did, there were great
RE: When you know its time to move on
Not even going to say goodbye? *sniff* Oh well. I wonder what the best memories of CC you are going to take with you are? Hehe...
Take care Joy... and never say never eh?
TNTTYLOHC
Take care Joy... and never say never eh?
TNTTYLOHC
RE: When you know its time to move on
Dont worry i'm not gone forever:) I still read the forums...and maybe on a lonely saturday night...who knows, you could still see me here...just for the kicks an not for the money;)
RE: When you know its time to move on
Yes it is true joy, the salary the hosts earn here is usually higher than what they earn in a "real" job and also the amount of time a host can do this job has it's limits.
Unfortunately many hosts do not give much thought to the future... they're young and naive, dreaming of boys and more concerned about buying the latest fashions or what club to go to tonight with their friends than about planning for their financial futures. So many hosts here work long hours during the winter months and then when spring and summer come they take months off at a time and travel and go on long holidays until they finally run out of money and are broke, then they come back here and start the whole process over again. Sure they have fun and a nice rest, but it does nothing for their financial futures. God knows how fast the time goes by. Suddenly one day you look in the mirror and realize u have gotten older and ur life is not what u had dreamed it would be at this age. And you think of all the money you wasted on silly things and how you could have had a better life now if you had saved and made wiser decisions about the things you spent ur money on.
If done correctly, because a host normally earns much more here than they do in regular jobs in their native countries, a host could maintain a modest yet comfortable standard of living in her country working here while she saves and invests as much of that extra money as she possibly can. Then when she felt it was time to stop hosting and move on to the next chapter of her life, she would have a considerable amount of money in savings and investments to put into starting her own business of her choice, instead of having to try to find a job working for someone else at a much lower salary than she had grown accustomed to.
Unfortunately many hosts do not give much thought to the future... they're young and naive, dreaming of boys and more concerned about buying the latest fashions or what club to go to tonight with their friends than about planning for their financial futures. So many hosts here work long hours during the winter months and then when spring and summer come they take months off at a time and travel and go on long holidays until they finally run out of money and are broke, then they come back here and start the whole process over again. Sure they have fun and a nice rest, but it does nothing for their financial futures. God knows how fast the time goes by. Suddenly one day you look in the mirror and realize u have gotten older and ur life is not what u had dreamed it would be at this age. And you think of all the money you wasted on silly things and how you could have had a better life now if you had saved and made wiser decisions about the things you spent ur money on.
If done correctly, because a host normally earns much more here than they do in regular jobs in their native countries, a host could maintain a modest yet comfortable standard of living in her country working here while she saves and invests as much of that extra money as she possibly can. Then when she felt it was time to stop hosting and move on to the next chapter of her life, she would have a considerable amount of money in savings and investments to put into starting her own business of her choice, instead of having to try to find a job working for someone else at a much lower salary than she had grown accustomed to.
RE: confused...
monika, even before looking at your pictures I was fairly certain that he still almost certainly has romantic feelings towards you - but after looking at them I have no doubt at all that he is still hoping that he may have a chance with you. but i agree it is almost certainly the best reason to give him
RE: confused...
easy fuck his brains out if you like it marry him if you dont ...go back to being just friends
RE: confused...
nah.... just tell him that you dont strip even in 121 and he'll go away fast.... ROFL
RE: confused...
try honesty.if he is your friend he will listen & understand.having you in his life will mean more to him that not having you in his life at all.some people confuse love with being"in love".maybe he is lonely & if he is your friend & you trust him maybe you have a gf who he would be good with & for.just a thought
RE: confused...
I had the same problem a few years ago, my girlfriend's best friend said she liked me, I said I liked her too. She said she REALY liked me, so I fucked her everytime I could. That was the best sex I had in a long time.
Moral of the story...fuck him, it may be the best sex you ever had, if not, tell him you charge $1 a min to chat with him and he can jackoff to you.
Moral of the story...fuck him, it may be the best sex you ever had, if not, tell him you charge $1 a min to chat with him and he can jackoff to you.
RE: confused...
WOW!! a girl asks for some advice & some of you boys can be so bitchy.no wonder drop kicks like you are here sprouting your vile garbage,its the only way insipid nothings like you can feel(foolishly & incorrectly)like men in your cowards' castles.you are a bunch of moronic soft cocks!! pretty witch bet you are glad you don't have friends like these arse splinters. :-)))
RE: confused...
And where is your advice pvtfree??? Oh wait, you only came here to mouth-off and take potshots at others...how ironic.
RE: confused...
didn't come here for that but the depth of the vile & imbecile like responses from some bitchy guys compelled me to respond.not that it has anything to do with you but my advice to pretty is given & will continue to be given in private correspondence between us.you see pretty is a close friend of mine.hope this explaination has solved the missing advice question for you brutis.good luck..
RE: confused...
dude, and you so totally responded without sounding bitchy-like and an imbecile yourself! kudos, zippy, how do you do it!?!
RE: confused...
i see ur in real troubles........i guess its not easy to tell him.......but there is no other way i could advice u! i hope he will get it the right way.
btw....i guess that could happen to u anytime again.......its not easy to be "just" a good friend with such an attractive girl. Even a real friendship is a great thing too.
and pls forget about Brutis .... not all men are the same
btw....i guess that could happen to u anytime again.......its not easy to be "just" a good friend with such an attractive girl. Even a real friendship is a great thing too.
and pls forget about Brutis .... not all men are the same
RE: THX
if from what i read is true then you don't want him to be that close. if he's a true friend then he will understand and hopefully realise what a good friend he has and woouldn't want to lose that. i wish you all the best in whatever may come of the situation. xx
WHY REDNECKS CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS!
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one
of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be
breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba's dead! What should
Ah do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it
easy and follow my instructions.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence...and then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now whut?"
of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be
breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba's dead! What should
Ah do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it
easy and follow my instructions.
First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence...and then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now whut?"
And there's more
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Threat alert
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire
of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire
of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
And another one
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone
had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned
the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased
it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the
word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain
for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found
the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger
than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same
word on the board, but instead, found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets
had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned
the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased
it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the
word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain
for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found
the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger
than the previous day's word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same
word on the board, but instead, found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets
English Humour
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door
and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around
at her feet.
"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say
they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in
fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your
honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW
you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on
the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around
at her feet.
"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex," she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say
they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in
fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your
honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW
you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on
the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
RE: English Humour
In other words, only after they've been lobotomized and castrated. And even then, only if you first wind them up to go on and on about Wombles or Teletubbies or Mr. Bean.
Dress them up as Mounties and let the get times roll, eh.
Dress them up as Mounties and let the get times roll, eh.
USMC
Just something picked up from British Army site
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1543658,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1543658,00.html
One call
One Call
=========
If you were going to die soon
and had only one phone call you could make,
who would you call and what would you say?
And why are you waiting?
~Stephen Levine~
=========
If you were going to die soon
and had only one phone call you could make,
who would you call and what would you say?
And why are you waiting?
~Stephen Levine~
RE: One call
i guess i would call the person who means more to me than anyone else in my life ask her to start recording the conversation so i can say what i want to everyone in my life....that way everyone heres from me
RE: One call
I would call and cancel suscription to Time & NewsWeek...who do you think I would call??? Jezzzzz
New joke
Female compassion:
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever
been f**ked?"
The fellow said "No",
She said "You will be when the tide comes in."
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever
been f**ked?"
The fellow said "No",
She said "You will be when the tide comes in."
RE: New joke
naaaahh, your just an old guy that's been around, try lighting up..you'll enjoy life more
RE: New joke
how does imshy having a cigarette or morphing into a light source mean he will enjoy life more?please share your wisdom with us i will take up smoking or even try to be a lighthouse if it means my life will be more enjoyable
RE: New joke
Take a chance, take a toke, and chill, buddy..... Give it a few minutes and you'll see.
RE: New joke
wow,never thought of lighting up in that sense.best go score me some dakka now.will report later,cilled & enjoying it i hope.thanks Mr Ganja
in memory of papacito
he was a a very good man always kind and always there when you needed a friend from the amount of time i knew him he always made you laugh and made you cry but he never made you mad he had a heart that was made from the purest of gold papacito will be sadly missed but will always remain in our hearts for a lifetime
RE: in memory of papacito
Yes he has passed on...he was a good man and will b missed by his friends and family...his brother especially i am sure and he should b thankful for having such a brave caring man as his brother...R.I.P Papa
RE: in memory of papacito
only chatted to him a couple of times in chat but i know of a couple of hosts who said many times what a good person he was.my thoughts & sympathies to all those close to him.keep him with you in your thoughts & memories.commiserations.
RE: in memory of papacito
host from my city told me that she is going to marry with him this november! so? he died?
RE: in memory of papacito
Anone care to tell how he passed away? Or is this another attention getting joke?
RE: in memory of papacito
good point........as anyobody can and sometimes will make up anything just to get a response out of others. Just look at all the responses in this thread so far.
RE: in memory of papacito
(Wolfsberg, Austria) The manager of an apartment house was surprised to find the legs of a corpse sticking out an apartment window. Police entered the apartment and found the deceased man's head soaking in a sink full of hot water.
Apparently the out-of-work Austrian had returned home after a night of drinking and drugs. He decided to slip in through the kitchen window. The window was fixed at the base and tilted out, giving him just enough room to squeeze his head through as far as the sink before he got stuck. While flailing around trying to escape, he turned on the hot water tap.
Police were not sure why he had not turned off the water, pulled the plug, or--perhaps most important--entered through the front door, since they found the keys in his pants pocket.
Apparently the out-of-work Austrian had returned home after a night of drinking and drugs. He decided to slip in through the kitchen window. The window was fixed at the base and tilted out, giving him just enough room to squeeze his head through as far as the sink before he got stuck. While flailing around trying to escape, he turned on the hot water tap.
Police were not sure why he had not turned off the water, pulled the plug, or--perhaps most important--entered through the front door, since they found the keys in his pants pocket.
RE: in memory of papacito
surely this isn't the unfortunate papacito that we are all lamenting. If it is however, he sounds like a real intellectual giant - I think he should be given the Darwin award.
RE: in memory of papacito
It's a sad thing that so many have feigned death just to get out of this place.
I know only 3 hosts here, and 2 of them have told me they've personally been caught in that kind of twisted lie before.
If the guy's really gone though, may he rest in peace.
I know only 3 hosts here, and 2 of them have told me they've personally been caught in that kind of twisted lie before.
If the guy's really gone though, may he rest in peace.
RE: in memory of papacito
If you died, would someone close to you come to CC and tell about your death? Hell, if I spontaneously combusted in front of the pope no one close to me would come here and tell of my memorable demise. Like paco, I smell a shit.
RE: in memory of papacito
I have died for several hosts to get away from them and its all part of the role playing on cc to me.
I did this by annoucing it through another email addr as another person who knew the "dead man" :)
Most showed some skeptism and wanted more proof and one seemed genuinely sad. One however refused to believe it and sent a note to the "dead man" saying I didn't have the "guts" to tell her goodbye.
As I said its part of what I pay for here.............to do and say anything to hosts who will do and say almost anything to get my money............fair trade in my book :)
I did this by annoucing it through another email addr as another person who knew the "dead man" :)
Most showed some skeptism and wanted more proof and one seemed genuinely sad. One however refused to believe it and sent a note to the "dead man" saying I didn't have the "guts" to tell her goodbye.
As I said its part of what I pay for here.............to do and say anything to hosts who will do and say almost anything to get my money............fair trade in my book :)
I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJbHRfBInd8&mode=related&search=
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
im not a Bush fan either!
dou know this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plyTkloERy0
its even the best speach i ever heard from him LOL
dou know this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plyTkloERy0
its even the best speach i ever heard from him LOL
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
Whilst i agree that elegant oratory is not his strong suit, at least Bush is a tough SOB and leads the USA with unyielding conviction. Totally unlike the weak kneed politically correct pussy liberal wimps who pander to the minority groups in my country.......the Islamic UK. Give me 'W' anyday!
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
Don't kid yourself davi, his reasons to invade Iraq had nothing to do with weapons of mass distruction...look at North Korea or Iran, they have weapons of mass distruction, are we invading them? No. Why not? He prefers diplomacy with them, why the double standard? Proves if you REALY have WMD, you get more respect. I say let every country have them then we will see how tough it is to inflict your will on others.
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
bush invaded the american middle class. so he has created a war within the US, between the haves and the have-nots. That is the worst kind of war! oh yea by all means you can have him!
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
what fun coe to a pron site for even more ridiculous rhetoric from people who know nothing and not being a bush fan either, this is still pretty silly stuff
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
sorry no it isn't, but yo be sure and have a good time, like i care
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
actually i wish it had been though, but i can't be bothered
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
yes, i see you couldn't have been bothered twice now.
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
lmafao at what that you have a politcal agenda and some of us don't
yes i m lmfao you buffoon
oh its good to take two minutes and have this much fun
yes i m lmfao you buffoon
oh its good to take two minutes and have this much fun
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
A political agenda, war? What, is there an election for mayor of spanky town going on that I don't know about?
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
i said something about a political agenda? when? oh right yo guys just make things up, you always have you always will, it's so sad
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
what you couldn't take not having a real target
enjoy you idiot
oh wait yo anonymous idiot
enjoy you idiot
oh wait yo anonymous idiot
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
ooops i forgot to put m name in, but then the likes of you neber do, that was me
your problem is you don't get how stupid you look?
i made an a silly observation but children like you with your obsessions must come back
hope you're having a good time , boring as you are
your problem is you don't get how stupid you look?
i made an a silly observation but children like you with your obsessions must come back
hope you're having a good time , boring as you are
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
unlike you silly boy i don;t need to find workk, you cna only hope to be me
sheesh
go get a a life and real job
sheesh
go get a a life and real job
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
btw can you find work, can you do anything except be a jerk
i merely resonded that i wish i had said that and you youfool went wild about what i think..............you little man are an idiot and a bufoon and you know nothing
perhaps chicago and reppy can give you lesson on the far left wing. we on the god knows what wing , beats me
couldn't care less
why is that
you are stupid
did i change the subject yet
i merely resonded that i wish i had said that and you youfool went wild about what i think..............you little man are an idiot and a bufoon and you know nothing
perhaps chicago and reppy can give you lesson on the far left wing. we on the god knows what wing , beats me
couldn't care less
why is that
you are stupid
did i change the subject yet
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
Damn it! Who let Warchant out of his cage?!
If he gets into the cooking sherry and ends up shitting all over the carpet again, I'm telling you all right now, I'm not cleaning it up!
P.S. Yes, My son's a dipshit.
If he gets into the cooking sherry and ends up shitting all over the carpet again, I'm telling you all right now, I'm not cleaning it up!
P.S. Yes, My son's a dipshit.
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
who in the world is chicago and reppy? lol!
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
Cool, a fan abroad. Can we count you as a supporter when we overthrow your government down the line too?
Islamic discontent in the UK is already very near an unacceptable level. And in a country with the bomb, I'm afraid that's something we just can't live with - You understand ;-)
Don't worry, a few years of war, a few more to set up a puppet government and for Halliburton to rebuild, and we'll be out and you'll have your country back good as new, :-)
Islamic discontent in the UK is already very near an unacceptable level. And in a country with the bomb, I'm afraid that's something we just can't live with - You understand ;-)
Don't worry, a few years of war, a few more to set up a puppet government and for Halliburton to rebuild, and we'll be out and you'll have your country back good as new, :-)
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
a tough SOB can take care of himself,man to man.having the world's largest nuclear arsenal at your command does not make you a tough SOB only someone who can talk like one
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
standing around the street corner begging for money IS work you pinhead
RE: I can't believe he's the president, or The burning Bush
Bush is such a common man of a rich father who is so over his head as pres. No wonder he is a born again Christian; he prays each night that he made it through another day as pres....................