General Forum

After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband looked over at his wife and said, "How come you never make love to me like that?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how much they pay those people to do that?"

Yes anonymous exotik is always me but i dont understand why u r upset to find this out.U think will b nice to writte both of my names whenever i make a post??
And what if i havemore then 2??What do i do then??
At least i have the courage to say my name nomatter what stupid thing i write here.Kisses 4 all of u.

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A first-grade teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A little girl stands up and says, ''Walt Disney World is so fascinating.''
The teacher says, ''No, that's not correct. I said, fascinate.''

Another little girl stands up and says, ''There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life.''

The teacher again says, ''No, the word is fascinate.''

So a little boy in the back of the room stands up and says, ''Well, my sister has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the ten buttons on her shirt.''

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day
there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did
you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me" Smiling, she
leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He
enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes a huge, hairy man! lumbers out of the steam room
toward him, "Did you call for me?! " says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" asks the newcomer.

"It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is
greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" she asks.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key
back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours.
You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 63 years old. I only get an
erection once a month and I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"

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What men and women think during sex

Him

When everything's perfect
-I wish I could continue 'till tomorrow
-God, this woman is wonderful
-She's wild and sexy! Why didn't I find her ealier?
-If each time is the same, I'll marry her
-I love her!
-Such wonderfull breasts she has!
-She seems to like it..
-It's awesome, she's the best

When it's not that great

-Maybe it's not big enough for her
-How can I convince her to make a blowjob?
-I should've had a shower before
-I hope I'm better than her ex
-I'm tired
-Why is she so silent?

When it's bad
-Why is she just laying there?
-Why does she giggle?
-I hope the condom won't break
-What am I doing here?
-I wanna go home
-Why am I the only trying?
-Manchester's playing today or tomorrow?

Her

When everything is perfect
-God, what a guy!
-This has never happened to me
-I want to keep him forever
-I want more, more!
-He's so sexy!
-I can feel him very well
-He really knows to turn me on

When it's not that great
-Tomorrow I have to talk with the boss about that thing..
-Did I take my pill today?
-Harder
-I think I look pretty bad
-The new guy is sort of cute
-I don't think I'll get any orgasm today....
-Go to the right!
-At least I'll burn some calories

When it's bad
-Why did I bring him here?
-When will it end?
-I hope it won't last much longer..
-I thought my day couldn't be worse than that.. Well, it can!
-He doesn't even know to kiss
-He's annoying
-I'll fake an orgasm and that's it!

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Since March there has been a demand of "Send - Verify" (Captcha) every two or three Yahoo e-mails I try to send. This is VERY annoying. Has anyone else had this happen or heard WHY on almost every e-mail all of a sudden?

Their Customer Service sent a generic cut&paste answer that reads: "The word verification page is a measure to prevent abuse of the Yahoo! Mail system... To pass the word verification, simply type the word displayed in the field provided... "

Duh! But why so often now?

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets.
5. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will ... it
is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should NEVER be prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do NOT allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.
3. Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as it tends to detract from a woman's jewelry & alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wantin' to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall 2 years ago.
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby & picked up as soon as the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they cannot hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund & a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks & shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is not polite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do NOT lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

I went to the United States a couple of times. Now I am home Down Under and safe.

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Hello boys and girls i want to tell u that i am making a free sesion so if anyone is interested in me :)) kisses 4 al of u.

Lol
I just saw a video about french words, and it seems that "flirt" commes in fact ( like many other english words) from the french "compter fleurette" . And the french took it back as "flirter"

It's funny, I don't want to prove anything, it just amused me :)

( I think I've seen it before around here, but, just in case... )
=======================

The following policy changes will go into effect immediately.


Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need
a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do
not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to
come to work.


Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture
will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category."

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under
the company's mental health policy.


We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
or input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

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A store that sells new husbands has just opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

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A new Wife Store opened across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

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