Christmas Jokes

The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...

Mafia Christmas

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

New Years Resolutions for Internet Junkies you might know

*I will try to figure out why I "really" need 12 e-mail addresses.

*I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.

*I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

*I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

*I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

*I resolve to back up my 80GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... at least once a year.

*I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet - This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

*I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.

*When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

*I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

*I will think of a password other than "password."

*I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!