Congratulations to kratsbats and Baddan who both take away a prize of $100 credit to their CamContacts account for both amazingly submitting the same funny joke which we loved so much and had everybody in the office in stitches that we thought why the hell not give them both the prize credits! Thanks again everybody for submitting your jokes, and below you will find a selection of some of our favorites!


A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what u want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".

The little boy thinks a second and says "No, I have enough toys!".

Santa replies once again tapping the boy’s nose with every letter "C-A-N-D-Y".

Again the little boy thinks a second and says "No, I have all kinds of candy!"

"Well, what would u like for Christmas?” Santa asks.

The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me u don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

Sent by kratsbats, Baddan

Runner-Ups

Three men died in a horrific traffic accident on the freeway one Christmas morning.

On arriving together at the pearly gates, they found the gates deserted, and not only shut, but a big padlock and chain around then.

They rattled the gates and shouted for some time, and finally an old white barded gentleman appeared.

“What are you doing here?”  He asked, “God is at his Son’s birthday party, and cannot be disturbed, and the computer is down for maintenance, so we have shut for the day.”

One of the men replied “We have just been killed in the big freeway crash. We were all sent to the Devil first, but he rejected the three of us and sent us up here in the Devils elevator, and here we are”

The old man replied “I am St Peter, if the Devil sent you up, you must be very good, but I can’t check without the computer. But if you can show me something you have that is Christmassy, I will let you in”.

The three men started emptying their pockets looking for something Christmassy.

One found a Christmas tree bauble, and held it out.
“OK said St Peter, I’ll accept that.”

The next found a little single piece of tinsel, which he held out.
“That’s really stretching things a bit far, but I suppose it must be considered OK.”

He turned to the third man, who sheepishly held out a frilly pair of ladies panties.

“And what is Christmassy in that?” Asked St. Peter.

The man replied “They’re Carols!”

Sent by wizzard56, aussiem1, MrSparkle

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.

She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present.  I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho!  Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee.  

Santa looks up from his sack of gifts and she says "I've got something special for you Santa.  Can't you stay for just a little while?  I know you want me.  Let me make this Christmas Eve unforgettable."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho!  Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add.  And she says "Santa, this is your last chance.  This body is your gift."

Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey!  Gotta stay. Gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

Sent by stan25 , handley1, nitro2k5, MrSparkle

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

Sent by lawdawg68, JohnDoe33