Yokes Aplenty
ACTUAL CYBERSEX LOG
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does.. Read more
PICK UP LINE: MIRROR IN PANTS
Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I can sure see myself in them.
LATEST SCAM
Be on the lookout for the latest scam. In the past few months, there have been numerous reports of lone male shoppers being mugged near shopping center parking lots in Las Vegas and, more recently, in other large metropolitan areas as well.
Typically, two attractive young women first approach your car as you are preparing to leave. One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far she just about falls out of her blouse. While you're thus distracted, the other one lets herself into the back seat. Then both beg you for a ride home. Once you agree to this and begin driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants. This is when they steal your wallet.
Although I am normally a cautious person, I was victimized myself during a recent vacation to Las Vegas. I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I couldn't find them on Saturday.
DO YOU SMOKE AFTER SEX?
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
MOMMA MIA
A virile, young Italian gentleman was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion.
The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman yet again using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing, and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."
THREE MEN AND A WOMAN SHIPWRECKED
Four castaways, three guys and a woman ended up on an island somewhere in the sea. Prospects of being saved weren't very good so the men told the woman they need to deal with their "urges". They agreed to let one man have her on Monday, one on Tuesday and one on Wednesday and the rest of the week she's "off duty".
That went really great for a couple of years, until the woman died one day. Now the men were having kind of a problem. The first week they managed, the second week it got very hard and the third week they finally decided to bury her.
UNCLE PAUL
"Hello?"
"Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now."
Brief pause.
"Uh, okay then this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
*** Long pause ***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?? Is this 486-5731?"
WALLYS WEDDING NIGHT
At 87 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 87 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action".
Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?"